Before I begin I want to send a message,

Salaam Walaikum Warahmatullahi Wabaraktuh.

Peace be upon you - God’s mercy and blessings to all of whom that are reading this and thank you for your time. Aameen

If you have followed on me social media over the last year, you may know about the two vicious test applied by Allah SWT. In October 2022, G Baby (maternal grandmother) was taken by her creator back home & honestly that crushed me, on multiple levels. Mainly because the random calls were no more, all the prayers over the phone, name mix ups, asking bout my Izm brothers(she loved y’all moe, all y’all), was no mas.

Her passing was for the best though, she’s home finally resting in paradise - free of pain, grief and guilt. There’s something beautiful about being able to understand suffering while grieving, puts some of the hurt at ease.

inna lillahi wa inn ilayhi raji'un

(To Allah we belong, and to him is our return)

I mentioned two vicious tests right? This next one, man. So after losing G Baby in October. Two months later on Christmas Eve, my cousin Jose was taken from the dunya and back home. Very few know my relationship with Jose or the fact we were cousins, if you knew him that was my twin. Same age, temperament, mannerisms, habits, slang, laugh, allat. That was my nigga. So losing him hit more like losing a brother because he was the closest thing i knew to one.

Understandably, i wasn’t as accepting of his transition when he passed. To put it bluntly, I was fucked up, what did Chief Keef say, “I’m finna go blow New Jersey up”. But to say less, I made the rage look sweet but i was hurtin. Which is what prompted the title of my most recent letter. “Jihad Al Nafs”, ‘struggle against one’s self’. Basically, struggling with my desires. When Allah test you like that the temptations of the shaytaan are intense.

Reasons why I been annoyingly, overly loving on my folk. I lost a lot of people these last few years but the most recent two were the sign i needed to stop taking everything for granted. Love and loved ones specifically. It also helped me realize to be content and present in where your feet are good people….

Let’s do this again next year, in shaa Allah.

inna lillahi wa inn ilayhi raji'un

(To Allah we belong, and to him is our return)

May Allah Azzawajal forgive you both and grant you a wide grave.

Aameen

Fin.

See y’all on the PT. 2 interview.

Peace and blessings.

P.S.

Shout out Izm.

My brothers really let a black man grieve. Love y’all.