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The Internet Was Already Broken


On the night of November 18th, the very underrated Paper Magazine, along with Kim Kardashian, released the cover of their upcoming Winter issue. The title alone “Break The Internet” let you know from the gate that this wasn’t just any magazine cover, this was a magazine cover with one of the most famous people of all-time completely naked, displaying nothing more than some pearls and a very prideful (Kanye) smirk.


Now, in my humble opinion, if my body paralleled Kim Kardashian’s then I would also be smirking exactly like my millionaire husband, but my humble opinion is not the same as those on our apparently newly broken internet. Instead, the reactions on social media, from sexist men to your favorite Twitter-feminists, were mainly those of ostracizing ridicule. As usual, here at Hazie, we’d like to shed some light on why we think Kim, despite her insanely amazing ASSets, didn’t break the internet at all because it was, in fact, already broken.

In order to convey our point in a way in which we will cover all of our bases, this post will be done a little differently, as it will be an interactive conversation between myself (Taylor) and Chuck. While we are quite the collaborative effort, when it comes to topics like sexism, feminism, and other social groupings, we tend to possess oppositional stances, so with that said, this should be interesting.

Taylor: Is the Internet broken Chuckie?

Chuck: Yeah, I heard Michael Wilbon say once that he hates Twitter specifically because it’s a cynical space. When it comes to the internet, people just love to project their insecurities and other negative feelings onto it, mainly to get a reaction and just to be heard. Yet they get mad when there’s an oppositional rebuttal.

Taylor: I see. I’m in complete agreeance with you, the internet is definitely broken. But, do you think Kim Kardashian broke it?

Chuck: No. People enjoy it when the neighborhood chick tries to show off her goods. And they like it when Tumblr chicks do the same thing and explain/defend it as art. But all of a sudden, Kim K does it and the morality Gods come out of nowhere.  

Taylor: Ah, the morality Gods. The people that believe in the depths of their heart that they are the deciding factor. I like to refer to them as falsely empowered, but who am I?

Chuck: Exactly. They’re hypocrites at best and down right stupid at worst. They want you to believe that their way and only their way is what works and when confronted with any opinion outside of their own, they get upset.

Taylor: Stupid is a bit harsh but your emotions on the topic are definitely well-validated. So anyway, how exactly would you explain this sudden turn of events ?

Chuck: It’s not really a turn of events to me. A famous individual, one who we have known to be featured on all of our favorite Porn websites doing things that are typically done within a porn video, released naked photos of herself. How surprising is that really?

Taylor: I still would like to believe that her sex-tape was released against her will, but I would agree that this didn’t come as a surprise to me at all. We’re in a time now where people are “hacking” into these different celebrity iClouds and releasing their nudes against their will every single week. So if a woman grabs a team of professional photographers, her artistic husband, and a magazine that is willing to pay her millions to recreate an image, why should she be ostracized?


Chuck: Exactly. And I see women on the internet, all of the time, talk about how they want to be sexually free and how nothing they choose to wear (or not wear) should give “men” the authority to judge, or at worst case scenario, attack them. This is a valid point but why are these same women the ones talking down on Kim K? I don’t understand it.

Taylor: I can understand your question, but it isn’t an all-women centered stance. What about men? Because a lot of them have tried their hand at some snarky comments as well, and I won’t let you overlook that. I hear men bullshitting saying “I wouldn’t want my girl doing that” or “Kanye is an idiot” but these are the same men who retweet and repost naked women on my timeline all day long.

Chuck: Men are weird on the Internet. They want virgin freaks that cook, clean, and bring home enough money, but not more than them. It’s weird but I just chalk it to some of them trying impress the same women who hate Kim K and some of them trying to be self-righteous guys that are above dating perceived “thots” but are the same men that have know idea where their girlfriend is right now.

Taylor: Men are weird in general, but your point was well put. Very well put. It’s an ongoing cycle. Did you enjoy the cover?

Chuck: I mean yeah, we enjoy ass. Well at least I do. Primarily the phat ones that appear to be perfectly curved like those of Nicki Minaj, Kim K and those featured on the King and Playboy magazines that I used to indulge in as a young lad. Did you enjoy the cover?

Taylor: I liked the idea, but I thought it was poorly executed. She’s been naked before on the cover of a magazine and it actually looked amazing to me. But the oil was just overwhelming in my own opinion.

Chuck: I feel you, I never even thought about it like that. But her butt is phat so I fuck with it.

Taylor: You’re ridiculous.

Chuck: Okay, I’m going to switch gears here now. As a mother do you think it is okay to do what she did?

Taylor: I think that as people, we are multifaceted. We are women, we are black (or any other race), we are short, we are tall, we are moms, we are single, we are wives, we are widows, we can be a million things at once and I don’t think it’s possible to separate any specific piece of our self from our overall being. So, yeah she’s a mom but she is a woman simultaneously and women deserve the political and societal freedom to do whatever they believe serves them. I watch the Kardashian shows (judge me if you’d like) and I know for a fact that Kim went through a borderline horrendous pregnancy. People made fun of her and compared her to furniture, she experienced severe pains while carrying her child and a lot of low self-esteem and she said very specifically and intentionally “I can’t wait to drop the baby weight so I can do a naked shoot that says “fuck you” to everyone who made fun of me.” So, is it okay? I’m not a morality God so it is not my place to answer that, but it is my place to question whether or not it is okay for both women and men to attempt to police another woman’s body regardless of how good or bad it looks.

Chuck: So we agree that that’s the issue at hand, right?

Taylor: Precisely. Kim didn’t break the damn Internet. These people who decide that one minute, they will be feminists who stand for women’s empowerment or that they will be art enthusiasts who embrace all forms of the word and then change their mind as soon as there is a shift in the masses’ opinion are the real culprits. It makes you wonder whether or not they ever really believe in the things that they claim or if they do it because it’s trendy.

Chuck: And that hypocrisy is the problem. We never question anything anyone else does but we care specifically about Kim K? And why? I secretly feel that people admire her grit and ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude.

Taylor: Hmmm…I think that makes a lot of sense. Switching gears again, a lot of people have brought race, the stealing or overemphasizing of black features on white women specifically, into this conversation. How do you feel about that?


Chuck: I personally see it like this, double standards are what make our world work. The same way that we (you, I and other black people) love our black bodies and features, we couldn’t love them as much and we might even take them for granted if they weren’t viewed through white prisms. I think sometimes, women of color get so caught up in not being accepted that they don’t realize that white people stealing pieces of their culture for fashion, or whatever, is the greatest form of flattery. And that getting upset and calling out people like Kim K does nothing more than divert from the real issue at hand, and that is black bodies. Our features are beautiful and they’re ours to enjoy and respect regardless of whether or not they are accepted by white culture, because if that is what we’re waiting for, we’re going be waiting a very long time.

Taylor: I agree and disagree with your argument here because yes our bodies are beautiful, yes we shouldn’t be solely aiming for white acceptance, but I’d have to say that no we shouldn’t just accept the blatant theft of our culture when it is used for our society’s capitalist gain. That’s ludicrous and I won’t ever just let it fly because it’s easy. In this particular case, I don’t think that Kim is trying to steal from the Black culture because not only is she married to a man who regularly and openly voices his opinion on the vulgarities of our racist society, but she just gave birth to a Black woman. She is now second-handedly linked to our culture and you can’t steal from something that you are a part of.

Chuck: And that’s the difference between us and the people that really broke our internet. We have our stances, we believe in them and we see the error in our ways but we know that it’s important to stick to our guns, regardless of whichever way the wind blows. We are strong enough to disagree with what we think is incorrect.

Taylor: And while the internet is broken, we, and people like us, are the directions that can help put it back together. We are exposed to a lot of different shit when we’re online from racist infiltration, to sexism, to feminism, to politics, and to sex itself, and how we view all of these things are what make up the facets of our character. There’s no way that we can achieve any real progress if we cannot choose to take pride in our beliefs even when they differ from others. It’s imperative that we understand just how powerful technology can be.

Chuck: And it’s even more imperative that we understand that it is nowhere near as powerful as its’ creators.


WLDFLWR Will write for sanity.